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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28279770">when everything soft abrades you (i'll be your girl)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyscienceangels/pseuds/tinyscienceangels'>tinyscienceangels</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The AM Archives (Podcast), The Bright Sessions (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Domestic Fluff, F/F, editing what's that, they're girlfriends what else can i say</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:54:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,139</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28279770</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyscienceangels/pseuds/tinyscienceangels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mags has been staying at Sam's place as her hands heal following the events of TAMA, but now that Mags is able to return home, Sam realizes she doesn't want Mags to leave.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Samantha Barnes/Mags Densmore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>when everything soft abrades you (i'll be your girl)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I finished TAMA approximately two days ago and promised myself I would write and post this before I had to send my laptop away to get repaired so i wrote this in two sittings to make that happen. this is pure fluff and sapphic joy</p><p>Title is from "I'll Be Your Girl" by the Decemberists</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> While the circumstances that led to Mags taking over Sam’s guest room had been, well, beyond awful, Sam couldn’t say she’d hated the company over the past several weeks. Mags was the perfect guest. She didn’t complain, she didn’t take up all the hot water (she didn’t say anything, but Sam was pretty sure she’d only taken cool showers since arriving), and while she couldn’t do much in those first few weeks while her hands were going through major healing and Sam was happy to help where she could, Mags didn’t expect anything of her.</p><p> They had all been given a full week off after the Helen incident, but Mags had also been given ample paid time off while her hands healed. Sam wasn’t sure exactly what Mags had done with her time off while Sam was at the AM working herself to exhaustion as they tried to figure out the next step forward, but Mags seemed, maybe not happy, but content. Sam had loaned Mags her e-reader (it was much easier to swipe than flip pages), and access to all the streaming channels on her tv, and Darwin was there, who had taken to Mags very quickly. Sam didn’t know how true that stereotype was about how all lesbians love cats, but Mags adored Darwin right back. Sam tried not to focus too much on how fondly she would look at them both when she came home from work some days to find them cuddled up together on the couch, Mags either reading a book or with headphones over her ears, and Darwin purring happily on her lap.</p><p> Sam had gotten used to Mags being around, and as far as she could tell, Mags liked being around too, so it came as a bit of surprise when she’d approached Sam after dinner one day. They’d made a big pot of potato soup –– cooking was much easier these days with the knowledge that even if she did disappear, someone else would be here to watch the stove –– so the cleanup was pretty easy, and Mags went quiet as they washed and dried the dishes.</p><p>“Sam, could I talk to you about something?”</p><p>Though Sam had been working hard not to let her anxiety get the best of her, it was still a work in progress not to immediately worry about everything she might have done wrong. Was Mags mad at her? Was she still in pain? Was someone else in pain, or dying, and she didn’t know? Sam tried so hard to stay on top of things, but she’d been so busy with work, and how the hell had she missed this? Oh god.</p><p> “I’m so sorry,” Mags said, who must have noticed Sam’s panic. “It’s not –– I’m okay. Everyone’s okay. I promise. That was stupid of me. No, it’s just  –– I don’t know how to explain to you how grateful I am for letting me stay here. But the thing is, my hands are mostly better. Pretty sure these scars are permanent though,” she said, neatly setting the dish towel on the counter to observe her hands, which were less red and raw and blistered, but now had patches of scar tissue. Sam wanted to hold them and tell her that it didn’t matter.</p><p>But Sam had a feeling she knew where she was going with this. Mags was ready to leave. And Sam got that. While she was partly worried that maybe she hadn’t been accommodating enough, or maybe she’d in fact been <em>too</em> accommodating and Mags needed her space, she got it.</p><p>“Okay,” Sam said, ready to accept it. Sam was a semi-functional human adult who had lived on her own for most of her life. She could do it again.</p><p>“I’m – I’m just worried that I am overstaying my welcome. I understand if you want your space.”</p><p>“I under – wait, what? I thought you wanted <em>your</em> space,” Sam said, placing the last dish back in the cabinet and gently shutting the door.</p><p>“Sam, this place is huge. I have plenty of space,” Mags said with a small laugh. God, how sad is it that she could count the number of times she had heard Mags laugh? She wanted more of it. “But you know. I have my own apartment, so I guess it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to take over your space now that I’m capable of using my hands again, huh?”</p><p>Sam, at least, was glad they were being direct. Far too many people found themselves in unnecessary paths of confusion and distress because they weren’t direct with each other, and Sam was grateful that they both tried their best to be upfront about what was going on. But, being upfront about a situation was one thing, and being upfront about how she felt about it was another entirely. She took a breath, and then another, because if she didn’t get the words out now that they were on the topic, she never would, and then Mags would be packing up her things and they would only see each other at work and they would never talk about it again and it would be too late.</p><p>“Mags, I like having you here.”</p><p>“Oh. That’s good. I’m glad.”</p><p>“And – fuck it. Way back before everything, you said you thought I was queer, and I’d never really thought about it, not really, but then Helen happened and there was never time to think about anything else, and then you were here because you were hurt and that wasn’t the right time to think about it, but now I’m thinking about it all the time and I guess I still don’t know what I am, maybe I’m bi? I don’t know. Is it okay not to know? But I do know I like having you around all the time and I like knowing that you are safe and god, while I appreciate having alone time, I never feel smothered when you’re around and I think – ”</p><p>“Sam, breathe.”</p><p>“I like you. I really, really, like you.”</p><p>For a reason Sam couldn’t comprehend, Mags stumbled at the confession, and had to place a hand on the counter to steady herself. While Sam’s first instinct was to find her mind running down every possible train of thought about what that might mean, she waited for Mags to gather herself. To take a breath, like what she’d told Sam to do.</p><p>“That’s, hmm. That’s good,” Mags said.</p><p>"Is it?”</p><p>Mags nodded. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve been flirting with you since basically the day we met. I’d assumed you’d known. I’m not exactly subtle. I like you too. A lot.”  </p><p>Sam didn’t know what to say. Mags liked her. Sam knew that Mags was gay –– that hadn’t ever been a secret –– but she hadn’t suspected that – um, wow. Sam’s only point of reference for romance had been Mark, and that hadn’t exactly been a normal courtship, plus Mags was a girl, and that hadn’t been covered in any of her previous conceptions of what her future would look like, and Sam didn’t know what she was supposed to do now.</p><p>“You know, maybe me going back home is a good thing. I’m already attached to your cat and I’m not sure how I feel about also fulfilling the U-Haul lesbian stereotype when we’re not even dating.” Sam knew humans couldn’t actually short-circuit, but she couldn’t come up with an alternate reason why her brain had just stopped functioning. Sam was familiar with panic attacks, where she couldn’t focus on anything but the fact that she felt like she was going to die, and everything else faded out, and everything else had faded out here too, but it was different somehow. She didn’t even hear what Mags said next until Mags was waving her hand in front of Sam’s face to get her attention. “Um, Sam, are you okay? You zoned out for a minute there.”</p><p>“Sorry, no, I’m here. I just – you want to date me?”</p><p>Sam watched the way Mags’ face softened at the question, how her eyes focused on Sam and how she released all the tension she had been holding. “Yeah. I do.”</p><p>“So that means you would be my girlfriend,” Sam said, testing out the word on her tongue. <em>Girlfriend</em>. It felt foreign on her tongue, a language she didn’t actively know but one she wanted to discover. One with all sorts of complicated rules and intricacies difficult to learn, but vital to understanding herself, an invaluable piece that had just been dormant and waiting for her all this time.</p><p>“If you want,” Mags said hesitantly, not because she was unsure of herself, but because she was patient. “If you want this to be slow, if you don’t want to label it, if you aren’t ready at all, it’s okay, you know. I know this is all new and maybe a little scary, and the last thing I want to do is scare you away.”</p><p>“I appreciate that, but believe it or not, I’m not scared. So yes, okay.”</p><p>“Yes, okay, to what?”</p><p>“To being your girlfriend,” Sam said, and she couldn’t help but blush. <em>Girlfriend. </em>It held a new meaning, and she really liked it. Mags smiled, a big bright smile, and Sam had put that there, so Sam blushed deeper and couldn’t help but smile back, a little thing that said <em>this is big and new and a little intimidating, but I trust you. </em></p><p>“Can I –” Mags began, taking a small step toward Sam, and Sam said yes without hesitation.</p><p>“You don’t even know what I’m asking!’ Mags said with a giggle.</p><p>“I know. But I trust you,” Sam said, and meant it with her whole heart. She had a very small list of people she trusted, but Mags deserved a place on that list.  </p><p>“That’s good. I know you said yes to the girlfriend thing but I didn’t know if that was a yes to other things and I … okay.” Mags stepped close enough to lightly and briefly grasp Sam’s arm and kiss her on the cheek, and while Sam couldn’t see her own face, she knew that she hadn’t stopped blushing since Mags had said she’d liked her and was certain the blush had now achieved brand new shades of pink. Sam didn’t kiss her back, but she did grab Mags’ hand, noticing how warm and safe it felt.</p><p>Before she could ruminate too much on what to do next, Darwin had appeared in the kitchen, rubbing against her ankles.</p><p>“I think someone’s jealous,” Mags said.</p><p>Sam let go of Mags’ hand and bent down to pet him, replacing one warm touch with another, and coaxing out a few happy meows. “Don’t worry, Darwin, I still love you. You’d think he’d be happy for extra attention, but he doesn’t like to share me.”</p><p>"I get it, though. I wouldn’t want to share you either,” Mags said, scooping him up in her arms, where he wriggled around for a moment before settling down, but Sam hardly even noticed because Mags had definitely just flirted with her. And yes, Mags had mentioned that she’d been flirting with her since the beginning, but Sam hadn’t noticed until now, and wow, how had she never realized? Mags must have noticed Sam beginning to spiral, because she set Darwin back on the floor and returned her attention to Sam. “I’m sorry, was that too forward?”</p><p>“No, no, you’re fine. I mean. Have you really been flirting with me all this time?”</p><p>“Well, at the beginning it was more just for fun, because it was fun to see you blush, but yeah. I have.”</p><p>Sam didn’t know where to start with that, and she definitely didn’t know how to flirt back, so she offered the next best thing. An invitation.</p><p>“I know it’s probably time for you to go back home, and now that we’re, well – it makes sense. But would you want to watch a movie first? Maybe you’re sick of watching movies, but we could ––”</p><p>“A movie sounds perfect,” Mags assured her. “Come on.” She grabbed Sam’s hand and didn’t let go even as they settled on the couch. They did separate for a moment as Sam searched for the remotes, and as Mags grabbed a quilt to throw over them, but once they were settled, Mags reached for her hand again and held on. They sat like this through most of the movie, hands entangled, warm and soft and safe. Sam was still full of questions and worries and uncertainties, and she always would be, but she also was in the process of believing that she deserved good things, and Mags could be another good thing, right? Sitting here with Mags’ hand safe and secure in hers, all signs pointed to a resounding yes.</p><p>           </p>
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